Tim got a call that there was something going on, and I didn’t mind if he went. I really didn’t. He literally never does anything besides hang out with me, and I have things to do anyway. It’s just for like four hours on a lazy Sunday, and the baby is with my parents all day, which gives me the freedom to do whatever I want. Well, I want to go out and get something to eat and maybe do a little shopping. I need to get my eyebrows done and do other things.

It’s a really nice day out, and there’s lots of things I could do– only, I don’t want to leave the house by myself. Instead I ate Fiber One pop tart things and Ramen noodles and opened the window to look longingly outside. Ah! I hate this. I really need to change.

Why am I afraid to leave the house by myself?! I never used to be like this! I could easily drive down the street and see my parents and the baby, yet I can’t do that either. I live in the suburbs where everything I could possibly want is within 5 miles, but I still don’t go. I think it problem is getting worse because I became even more used to having Tim around a lot when he was on vacation.

*sigh* Gotta get past this anxiety. Must do something. I’m going. I am going. I am going.

When she looks outside, I think she wants to go out. She likes going out, I’ve discovered, but I never take her out. I want do, but I haven’t yet (well there was one time when the bug people came and I HAD to). Instead we sit at home until Daddy gets home– the complete opposite of the way I want things to be. I feel like I’m failing her right now, but I am really determined to change. Starting immediately.

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